I am Type A. When I’m excited about a topic or jumping into a new venture, I like to research the shit out of it. So when I got pregnant, my nightstand looked like a library. I have a few amazing people in my life who are expecting babies right now so I put together this list of what I found to be the best and most useful books.  I call this list “Don’t Panic”. As in, “yes, I know it’s a long list but it’s organized in the approximate order you’ll need the info so just start wherever you are in the journey and DON’T PANIC!” Also, some of these books won’t be for everyone so I tried to give an idea of what I found helpful. That way if you’re like “No way, hippy! I’m demanding the best and most high tech drugs as soon as I walk in the hospital door!” you can skip the books that don’t apply to your needs.

PREGNANCY
Expecting Better by Emily Oster: A look at pregnancy conventions in America and the studies that back them up (or don’t). This is a great read for pre-pregnancy or early in pregnancy to help you effin’ chill about many of the dos and don’ts. (Ignore the kitty litter part. Your partner should still take over scooping the box. Cuz you’re fuckin’ pregnant!)

The Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy: Written from the “childbirth is natural, your body is capable” angle, this book is less fear-based than “What to expect when you’re expecting”. It covers all the pregnancy basics from the medical standpoint.

CHILDBIRTH
The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin: This is essential reading for partners with everything from how to remain calm during a hospital delivery to how to deliver a baby in an emergency situation. My husband read and highly recommends this.

The Thinking Women’s Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Goer: This book details what can happen when one medical intervention sets off another. If you’re one who wants to show up and take the delicious drugs as soon as they can get them, thank you very much, then this is not the book for you. If you want medicine-free delivery and to be involved in the medical decisions during your birth, check it out. You’d be amazed at the variety of interventions that can come up. In the midst of contractions is not the time to be hearing about them for the first time.

Birthing From Within by Pam England: This book is a bit woo-woo. But honestly, so is natural childbirth. If you’re not depending on drugs and the doctor to lead you by the hand, then you’re depending on yourself and your amazing body. So you’d better have faith in it. The art stuff in this book was not for me but there were enough things in here that rang true (and made me tear up because of it) that I sought out a Birthing From Within class in my city. It’s about letting go, trusting your body, and realizing the rich storied history of women that you are becoming a part of. It’s kind of magical. And again, so is childbirth.

BABY “STUFF”
Baby Bargains by Denise Fields: This is basically a book about how not to spend a bajillion dollars on your baby. I found it handy.

Lucie’s List: Great site for baby stuff reviews. This is the first place I look when I’m shopping for a new item. There’s also a “crib sheet” on here that gives a decent jumping off point for what you actually might need to buy for baby. I used that, and another from a friend, as well as my own nanny experience, to fill up my registry.

PARENTING/INFANT CARE
Baby 411 by Ari Brown and Denise Fields: We referenced this book, like, weekly during ABC’s first year. Health, growth and development, when to call the doctor, how to bathe and swaddle. It’s all in here. Their Toddler 411 is great after the first year.

Baby-Led Weaning by Gill Repley and Tracey Murkett: We loved this method for starting solids. Baby feeds herself and eats what you eat (modified early on). It made more sense to us than doing the “Stage 1 – 2 – 3” foods.

The Happy Sleeper by Heather Turgeon: We were lucky. We got a good sleeper. I know some people read a million books before they find one that helps with a baby who struggles with sleep. This one worked for us immediately. It’s somewhere in between the “cry it out” method and the “go in whenever they peep” method and I felt it was a perfect happy medium. Lots of other good info about sleep stages before you get to “sleep training” age, as well as up to school age.

DEVELOPMENT: It is invaluable to understand what your kid is going through and WHY they are so crabby (or clingy, or won’t eat or won’t sleep) some weeks. Seriously, understanding this stuff is what keeps us sane and empethetic. These 2 books track different leaps in an infant/toddlers development. I highly recommend them both.

The Wonder Weeks by Hetty van de Rijt and Frans Plooih: Ok, so this is actually horribly written, but the info is good. There is also an app available with less info but better than nothing if you can’t stand to read the repetitive writing.

Touchpoints: Birth to Three by Joshua D Sparrow: This thing is great. Well-written and from a pediatrician’s perspective.

I know, I know, It’s A LOT! But these aren’t all cover to cover readers. Many are reference or ones that you work your way through as the kid progresses through the first year. Stick ’em on your book shelf and pull them out when the questions come up (oh my lord, the questions that come up. “Is that blood in my 3 week old daughter’s diaper?! (See Baby 411))

But guess what. The information is out there. You’ve got this! Just love them hard, know the learning curve is steep but not impossible, and DON’T PANIC!

*I am an Amazon affiliates member and make a small amount if you purchase through my links. Please and thank you! 🙂

This is not a funny post. It is not a helpful post or call to action. This is a hard sad post that I need to write because I need to stop writing it night after night in my head.

This isn’t my story to tell, which is why I’ve resisted writing about it. It is not my tragedy. But it has affected me greatly and I need to talk.

Two weeks ago, a little boy died. A sweet, beautiful, observant little boy, four days older than BabyABC, a playdate friend. We knew him only casually but somehow, I’d made enough room for him in my heart that there is a noticeable hole now. He died very unexpectedly for unknown reasons. Those who were there suspect mistakes were made by the medical professionals trying to save him. An investigation is pending. But whatever the cause, he is gone. And his parents are left behind.

What his parents are going through… I stay up at night thinking about it. Horror. There is no other word for it. It is unfair and unnatural and sickening and terrifying. It is horrific. To be ripped out of the active role of parent in this way. To be so suddenly without a piece of your heart. It keeps me awake.

His mother is not my best friend. We were connected by our children. We mostly talked about our children and things related to them. So are we anything to each other now? Is there any way I can help her find even a tiny bit of peace? Or would hearing from me now add to her pain?

I went to the funeral. I struggled with that decision. I honestly didn’t know if I could handle it. The thought of going made me feel sick to my stomach and terrified, while the thought of not going made me feel sick to my stomach and ashamed. In the end I decided I could live with terror, but not shame. Sitting there, saying goodbye, watching his parents say goodbye was one of the worst, most painful experiences of my life. The stark contrast between his photos, full of life and curiosity, and him actually there in a child-sized casket, his mourning parents standing before us, made it unbearably real. Unfair, unnatural, horrific, and real.

Every time someone asks me how I am lately, I want to tell them this story. I want to pour some of this horror out at their feet in the hopes that they’ll take some of it away from me. I want to say “Don’t you know? A little boy died. How can anyone be ok?” I want to tell them that even though this is not my story, I am a little bit broken by it. And I think maybe I always will be.

BabyABC is fighting a bit of a diaper rash so I decided to give her some diaper-free time. We bought this excellent waterproof blanket* so we don’t have to worry about her having an accident on the carpet (is it an accident at this age? I mean, it’s not like she ever tries not to pee so…)

The trick these days is getting her to stay on the blanket. She’s so busy she wants to run all over the house shouting “I’m naked! I’m naked!” (Ok, she actually shouts “Eeeeeeee! Eeeeeee!” but I’m her Mom. I’m an excellent translator.)

I thought I was being pretty darn clever when I opened a new bag of diapers and had her hand them to me one by one to put in the changing table drawer. It kept her in place for a full 2 1/2 minutes! Clever right? Thank you. I know. No please, stop, you’re embarrassing me!

Any time we commit to diaper-free time in this house we know there is a risk we’ll spend a few minutes afterward wiping her down and cleaning up pee. However, for a diaper rash I decided I’d make the time, take the chance. “What’s the worst that could happen?” I said, “I can handle a little pee clean up if need be.”

Then she crapped on the floor.

Touché, ABC… touché.

 

 

 

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It dawned on me recently that most of the people currently reading this blog are not actor/writer/stay-at-home moms. (Of course they aren’t. That’s friggin’ specific!) My closest mommy friends consist of women who stay home full time with baby or work full time. My situation is in some weird limbo in between that has a few of the problems and advantages from each of those. So I thought I’d share what a busy day in our house looks like.

7:30 am BabyABC wakes up and comes to bed with us to nurse and play. This is one of the glorious things about both my husband and I being freelancers. Many mornings, we get to hang around in bed together as a family before we start the day.

8:30 am Production meeting with a group of women via Google Hangouts. We’re trying to produce some scenes we’ve written to use for our drama reels. BabyABC waves and grins as I head upstairs to the office and then proceeds to shriek and babble up at me throughout the call.

9am: Breakfast as a family; I move over to makeup table to prep for the day as Joe cleans up BabyABC. Teamwork!

10 am: I put BabyABC down for a nap just as my sketch group arrives. We have about 90 minutes tops to set up and shoot a scene for a sketch I’m producing in our living room before she wakes up. Luck smiles on us and BabyABC stays quiet and asleep. After we get the shot, we sit down for a planning meeting.

11:30 BabyABC wakes, so I step out of the meeting to get her up. I pull out her lunch and set her up in her highchair in the circle with us. She munches and observes while we meet. When she’s done, I wipe her down and get her dressed while trying to give productive notes on a sketch pitch. BabyABC plays on the floor with me.

12: 30 pm Our lovely sitter comes (teamwork!) and takes BabyABC out to the park. There is a brief break in the meeting as ABC has a meltdown about leaving Mommy. We wrap up the meeting and everyone heads out.

1:15 pm I eat lunch in front of the computer as I gather some info that my new manager requested.

2:15 I go downstairs for a quick baby snuggle before I put ABC down for second nap. I gather my things for the rest of the day, thank the sitter, and get on the road for an evening shoot. I’ve been hired to simply show up and act on a project. What a treat! 🙂 I have a lovely time on set and am invigorated, being in my element, doing what lights me up.

9 pm On this particular day, I get home after ABC is bed. Many nights I get to be there for dinner and bedtime. For example, the next night, we have dinner as a family, go for a short walk and are both home for bedtime. Then I head up to the office again for a writer’s meeting (a half hour comedy I’m working on with 2 other mommies) that goes until about 10:30pm.

Every single day in our house is different. Freelance comes with a lot of benefits but it also means we don’t have a predictable start and end time to our day. Joe and I do our best to keep BabyABC on a schedule despite Mommy and Daddy’s lives being so changeable. It’s hard some days (many days). There is no balance, no perfect schedule. It’s like the tides, flowing in work and flowing out family. But I love my job and my time with my family so I’m holding on tight to both and making it work (mostly) one day at a time.